Pages

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Laughter. I'd forgotten.

Melodramatic? Yes. Yes it is. But that's me. I'm in theatre, it's part of the business. I'm also a Leo, so just compound that drama. Before I get too far, I'm going to just say something here. There are a lot of things about myself that I readily admit to. I'm sometimes overly dramatic. I'm a spoiled brat. I can sometimes be a whiner (...nah...really??? lol). I can sometimes be a bitch. I'm a complete dork most all the time. I'm cubby. I'm vain. I can be both incredibly selfish or selfless depending on my mood. But this is me, and I am happy with me. All my wonderful friends put up with me and love me in spite of this. And I love them all dearly. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. I feel that with so many wonderful people in my life who love and accept me as is, crazy parts and all, that it's not really too much to ask that my significant other do the same. But for some reason, I was just never good enough. I didn't know how to "behave." All my friends are idiots. *pause* ExCUSE me? No. You can ream me down to the ground, but do NOT. EVER. Say things like that about the people I love. UGH! So mad. Good riddance. I don't need it. In case you can't tell I feel better today. I still hurt - a lot - but I know it's for the best, and the feeling of possibility is starting to overtake the feeling of what did I do wrong. I had just reached the point where I was so confident in myself that I could just be me and that was ok, I accepted me. And I feel like over the last year I've slowly degraded into second guessing myself again and settling. No more my friends. No more. You like me or you don't, and whichever you choose is fine. But I can't keep compromising myself. Which every single one of my friends told me in some form during this whole mess. I'm sorry guys, I should have listened. I should have. But I was blinded by love. It had to happen, and now I just have to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get to gettin'.

This being Valentine's Day, and me being in my current state of affairs, I spent the day at work, and my evening at home alone. I'm not asking for pity, I'm just saying. So I've been watching comedy central and they're having a run of really great comics. Two of these I loved in particular. First, I watched Bill Engvall and laughed till I cried. He's my favorite of the Blue Collar guys really. If you get a chance the show I watched was 15 Degrees of Cool. Hilarious. The second, Christopher Titus. I've never seen him before, but they've been advertising him all week with his new special Love is Evol. Let me tell you folks, he made me feel so much better about myself and laugh because I knew exactly what he was talking about. So this evening I've sat here, eating my leftover chicken curry and some ice cream, laughing my ass off. It's been very therapeutic. I haven't had a laugh till I cry in some time, which is really sad since I used to do it almost daily. I'm excited for those days again. I have a friend coming into town on Tuesday, so we're going to go have fun. Then I'm going home to Missoula for a week to see all my other friends and maybe get a job and house set up. One step at a time. OH. I will say that in a serendipitous moment I discovered that my freshman year roommate, who is a good friend of mine (Hi Autumn!), is going to be in town the same time I am! AND, not only that, she is looking to maybe move back to Missoula the same time I am as well! It's a sign, surely. We were thinking perhaps it would be fun to live together again and make a new start. Full circle and all that. So we're going to go look around for houses while we're both there. I can't lie, I'm really excited about this. The timing is too good for this not to be what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm going to let things happen now instead of trying to make them happen. It's worked well for me mostly...it was when I started pushing things that is starting getting ugly. I just have to let things do what they're going to do. Plus, I don't really have the time or energy to worry about it anymore.

Another thing about me is that I'm totally random, in case you couldn't tell from my other posts. :) In all of this tv watching, I just saw the cutest commercial ever. It bumps the Butt Dialer to number two I think as my current favorite commercial. So I have posted it for your enjoyment. It just gives you a good feeling inside...and the funny and best part is that it's for Absolut Vodka lol. Alrighty folks, I've yammered on enough for this evening...I think I have a small novel of a post here lol. Thanks for all your support, it's really appreciated! :D


2 comments:

The Blonde Duck said...

I'm glad you're feeling better! Some times chilling out alone is the best medicine!

Ms Cupcake said...

Dropping by from sits. Have a relaxing Sunday and make it a cupcake day!

In case you're interested my blog giveaway ends tonight. Grand prize is Juicy Couture cupcake earrings.