I'm a Loser

....And it's totally a good thing.

I'm going to start by saying that I do not remember a time when I haven't been trying to lose weight.  I've lost and gained more weight...it's just ridiculous.  There was a brief period of time during high school when I was a size 10 and quite happy, but it didn't last.  (Oddly enough, this was when I was working in fast food.  And yes, I did eat at work, all the time.  No, it doesn't make sense to me either.)  But without going into the "boo hoo I've always been heavy" thing, let's just say I've just come to terms with my weight.

I wanted this year to be different.  I was starting off with my resolutions trying to eat healthy and make a real effort to exercise.  Not even for the weight loss, just so I would feel better.  I mean really, I've felt kinda like crap for a long time now and I'm really sick of it.  My sleeping pattern was awful, I always had heartburn, headaches, nausea, blurred vision....you name it.  I have been checked out by multiple doctors on different occasions and have been assured there is nothing seriously wrong with me - much to both my relief and aggravation.  Aggravation only because if they knew there was something wrong, it can be fixed.  I want to be fixed.  Almost every one of them told me it was most likely due to stress, and that I just need to find a better balance.  (All but one, who told me just by looking at me that I was - without a doubt - pregnant.  Yeah.  You can imagine that went over well with me.  I did not give him a kind review.)  Now, as nice as it is that "I'm only stressed," it's not the easiest thing in the world to deal with.  I mean, if you could just wake up in the morning and go, "You know, I don't think I'll be stressed today" everyone's life would be dramatically different.  And I tried.  Lord knows I've tried, and keep trying.

But this month...this month I'm actually seeing progress.  For the first time in a long time.  At the beginning of this month, my sleep was still pretty much a mess, waking up every few hours, and I had fairly frequent reflux (or as I affectionately call it, The Breath of Fire).  I also took body measurements and weighed myself, so I would know what I was dealing with.  Well, I am happy and proud to report that this month I've lost close to 5 pounds (2.5 of that in the last week!), lost an inch from my waist and an inch and a half from both my hips and bust.  My sleep has been much better, even sleeping through the whole night the last few days.  I don't think I've had reflux in over two weeks.

I'm so excited.  Measurable progress.  Motivation to keep going.  My little victories.