Monday, March 18, 2013

And this is why I'm not allowed to watch House

As usual, I'm getting over being sick.  I've been sick with alarming frequency and with the weirdest things ever since I got this job.  My track record so far includes:

A cold roughly every three months
Chicken pox
Numbness of feet
Overall poor circulation
Carpel tunnel

That's all in a year and a half.  Stupid, isn't it?

The dumbest part is that when I worked retail I was rarely, if ever, sick.  Maybe once a year.  And I was in constant contact with different people, children, dust, money...I mean it was a germ playground.  What gives?

I have gotten especially fed up today because I felt pretty good this morning when I left the house.  I could breathe out my nose, my cough was dry and faint, I seemed to be on the mend nicely.  I got to work and within 10 minutes of being here it was like someone had turned on a faucet in my face.


Clearly, I'm allergic to work.  I have to be.  I'm not allergic to anything else.  Nothing.  Not a plant, food, or animal causes me any sort of reaction.  Pollen season?  No sweat.  House full of 7 long haired cats?  Bring it on.  Shrimp pad thai with peanut sauce?  Yum.  You get my point.

So, being me, I have come up with outrageous explaination for this ridiculousness.  *puts on House lab coat and grabs stethoscope*

You see, there are these giant water spots above my cubicle that have gone without attention:

The way I figure, those water spots have started growing mold on the side between the tiles and the roof where the ductwork is.  And not your garden-variety green mold, oh no.  Black mold.

Then, when the fans come on periodically throughout the day to circulate air* (*read: move around disease-ridden stale office air), the mold spores get blown out through this vent above my desk, roughly 10 feet from all those water spots:

So perodically throughout the day, I breathe in tiny little mold spores.  This goes on over the course of months.  The mold starts attacking my resperatory system, making me more susepable to the cold virus.  Then it spreads and starts working on my nervous system.  This causes my circulation to slow and my nerves to spasm, causing random, unrelated numbness in my legs and periodic tingling in my fingers.


This is why I stopped watching House.  And also why I was originally in theatre.  Over-dramatazation was my job, and as you can see, I'm pretty good at it.

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