Friday, January 4, 2013

New Year, New Lessons

Well, another year has come and gone.  I did some things I wasn't expecting, did some things I had planned for, and have a few things I wish I had gotten around to.  So overall, basically the same old same old.  One thing I have been doing however, is getting back to being me.  Or shall I say, finding out who the new me is.  It's a slow process, but I'm making headway.

She is someone that, while having noble goals and making the best of efforts, cannot keep up with grad school and a full time job at the same time.  Today, I emailed my professors and told them that after much thought and deliberation, I have decided not to continue with school.  I thought that by putting my life "back the way I found it" it would help me find a place of stasis, make things better, be comfortable.  Silly girl.  I should know better by now than to think I'm the same person I was 5 years ago.  Turns out even though I'm not that old, I am too old to live the way I did in college.  I can't keep up the same lifestyle, nor should I really.  I also never had a job during college (yeah, I was lucky) so trying to work and go to school just about made my brain explode. 

This decision was actually a big step for me.  I realized a couple things: that there is no one that I have to impress, nor do I have to constantly be "doing" something.  I can just be.  Truth is, I like just being.  Sure I go to work everyday to a boring 8-5 job.  Most days I go home, cook dinner, watch tv or a movie, read and go to bed.  Its not a life of excitement, I'll give you that, but its nice.  And while I long for adventure and excitement, I realized that you have to have moments of quiet to make the exciting times that much more worth while.  Whenever someone asks the question, "So what are you up to?" I like to be able to answer with what I deem fun and exciting things, which I think is where I got the pressure to always pursue something different.  I always felt like I was constantly planning or waiting for something, there was never any down time.

So this year, the only thing I'm planning for is happiness.  Sure I'll try out something like a yoga or dance class, and like most of America I'm constantly chasing the dream of ideal fitness and health.  But really all I want is to be comfortable with who I am in this moment and be the best me I can be.  No pressure.  No promises.  No commitments. 

I'm really excited to see what's in store and where the Universe might steer me.  So here's to a great new time of being present and living in the moment.