6:45am: Phone alarm goes off as usual. I reach to turn it off...nothing happens. I push all the buttons...nothing happens. I open one eye to look at my phone. I set it to update last night while I sleeping, and what I didn't realize is it takes "finalizing" by me before it functions as a phone again. I hold my phone up, still squinting through one eye, trying to read and do whatever my phone wants me to do and agree to whatever it wants me to agree to, drop it on my face, then get through the stupid process and make it happy.
6:50am: Alarm is finally silent. Glasses go on, waddle to the bathroom. Put contacts in eyeballs, blink excessively. Turn on the shower, flush toilet, get in shower, realize toilet has not stopped running, get out of shower, jiggle the hell out of the toilet handle, get back in shower.
7:15am: Get dressed and ready to leave for work. Go to take lunch out of freezer, combat (successfully!) an avalanche of frozen chicken and mini quiche.
7:50am: Sit down at work computer, look at the screen. Everything is blurry. Blink several hundred more times to no avail, shrug, and start working.
10:15am: After a morning of not seeing and also getting a headache, give up and decide to go get contact solution at grocery store across the street.
10:30am: Go into work bathroom, pull out right contact, rinse, put back in eye. Pull out left contact, promptly drop on floor, get on hands and knees to look for lost lens. Retrieve from under sink, rinse VERY thoroughly, put back in eye.
10:45am: Still can't see. On a whim, switch lenses. See perfectly. *headdesk*
12:30pm: Work on home budget durning lunch. Break math and the space-time continuum. I somehow manage to make less than I spend but have extra in the bank...?
3:40pm: After working on company reconciliations, brain is broken. Math is still broken. There are mysterious dates for things and nothing makes sense. Coworkers and I have a moment of insanity and ponder the meaning of the Universe.
4:59pm: Get into car to go home, sit down, and am pretty sure I somehow broke my thumb GETTING INTO MY CAR. Stabby pains coming from my hand the whole drive home.
5:07pm: Get home, immediately fling off clothes and change into pajamas. Trip on too-long pant legs and almost break my face. Go to kitchen to get dinner in the oven...which will take about an hour.
5:45pm: Internal dialogue:
"I'm going to starve to death"
"Eat some protein"
"Peanut butter has protein!"
"Yes, but-"
"I have a giant jar of peanut butter!"
"I know but you should-"
*grabs spoon*
"Oh mix it at least for goodness sakes! You're an animal."
And that's how I wound up ending my day by standing at the counter eating half-mixed peanut butter out of a 5lb jar with a spoon.
